M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
