I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
