i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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