Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
