I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
