I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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