porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
