Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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