a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
