I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
