I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
