Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
