i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
