I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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