My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
