So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
