I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
