I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
