In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
