One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
