I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
