I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
