Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
