I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
