So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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