Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
