i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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