my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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