She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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