So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
