I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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