who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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