Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
