Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
