I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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