Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
