the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
