You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Still dying that you shit outside
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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