Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
