my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
