He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
