why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
