Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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