This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
