What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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