Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we should paint friendship bongs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
