apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
