I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
