As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
