Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
